Focus on your contact.

During your initial contact and in your future contacts with your prospective clients you must always focus on them, their needs, wants and desires rather than on your needs, otherwise you will appear self-centred, mercenary and interested only in what you can get out of them. Don’t try to get too personal too quickly; rather allow the relationship time to grow.

You will find that you might have to give something to your contact first in order to receive from the contact at a later date. This does not only apply to your supplier-client relationship, but would also apply if you were hoping to receive referrals from your new contact. For example, you might have to provide the first referral which helps your contact with his business before your contact returns the favour. Passing on a quality referral is also a good way to stay in touch with your contacts.  A quality referral is much more than just passing on a name - it gives a compelling reason why the referred name should be contacted. Further, by passing on a referral you actually help both parties and the good news is that they may both appreciate your help. You now have two people who feel they owe you for the one good deed you did.

If you are the benefactor of a referral show your appreciation as soon as you can with some small token. This might mean a box of chocolates, a thank you note or possibly if business is generated even extend to a lunch. If the connection is a good one take both your new client and the referee to lunch as a thank you from you and the new client to the referee for putting the two of you together.

You have to let your contacts know how important they are to you by showing that you are truly interested in their future hopes and aspirations for themselves and their family. You should ask them what their hobbies are and what their life experiences have been. All these questions will bring some emotion into the transaction, and emotion sells. It doesn’t hurt to use their name during the conversation as often as you can without overdoing it or being seen to be pretentious or false. A person’s name is like gold to them and they appreciate that you recognize their name and the importance that they ascribe to their own name. This will differentiate you from others they meet especially if these others do not make the effort that you have made to remember their name.

Some books on sales will tell you that whilst in conversation with a contact you should try and match their body posture without simply mimicking them. Personally I’ve never tried this as to me it would just be plain annoying. Notwithstanding this, I’m told that this action is supposed to complement the experience that you have with someone and they are left with the feeling that you are both on the same ‘wavelength’. This being the case they perceive that you must be from a similar background as the one they come from and that you must have similar life values. They trust themselves based on this value system and now they will trust you.  It’s all down to perceptions. I agree that you do need to be on the same wavelength but I feel its how you behave and what you say to your contact that will communicate this. Always respect your contact person’s personal space. Don’t get in their face or act inappropriately which would make them feel uncomfortable.

Observe their body language if you do decide to practice the mirroring technique. Look for their body-language to tell you whether they are interested in what you are saying to them or whether you are boring them to death. Listen to them, hear what they say and ask many questions to keep them talking. The more they talk about themselves and what their needs, wants and desires are the more you can recognise opportunities for you to be of assistance to them. Further, your contact will not doubt that you are genuinely interested in them and most will immediately warm towards you because of the interest that you have shown in them.   One of the most valuable lessons I have learnt in the networking process in terms of getting people to open up and speak to you is to ask them how they spend their time when they are not at their office doing the job that you may already know that they do. This gets people to open up and speak about what turns them on outside of work. It’s also less threatening particularly if the person hates their job. With 28% unemployment in South Africa in 2005, this circumstance is going to be increasingly more likely. People often take up a position simply to earn their keep.

It is helpful if you have some understanding and knowledge of a variety of subjects or activities that most people are interested in, such as rugby, cricket, football, theatre, music, fishing, reading and dining out to mention but a few.

Complete the impression you intend to make by dressing smartly. If you do everything else right but still look like an untidy slob, they will see an untidy slob approaching them and will not match the professional introduction you give with the perception you created for them when they first saw you approach. The rule of thumb in a business environment is to never be dressed more casually than your contact. It shows that you respect them if you dress up.

Respect is usually returned to you as would be disrespect.